We Suck

Huge, Sweeping Changes

I have a big update about the project. But first let me tell you about my radio.

I have a 1995 Geo Prizm and it just hit 150,000 miles this week. I'm so proud. Anyway the antenna finally broke all the way. It has been slowly breaking for quite a few years. I had purchased a replacement antenna about two years ago but after I got it home I managed to fix the original one. So I "stored" the antenna somewhere in the garage.

Today I had just had enough of the clanging antenna and its crappy reception. So after work I drove to NAPA. It turns out that the antenna is the one part of the car that they don't deal in. They could have ordered me one, but I was in the mood for instant satisfaction. The helpful guy there suggested I check out Advanced Auto Parts because they usually have stuff like that.

I grabbed my trusty GPS, hit Find, then All POI, then By Name and tapped out A-D-V, selected Advanced Auto Parts and chose the nearest one. It took me down to a less-than-desirable part of town, but sure enough there was the store. I found an antenna similar to mine and went to buy it. I asked the guy if he thought it would work. He, like me, thought..... maybe. I asked him if he had a screwdriver I could borrow to check it out in the parking lot. He said they normally can't do that because it's in a bad part of town and they always get their tools stolen. But my dorky thick-rimmed glasses give me an honest look so he said he'd get me one.

I took off the antenna cover and found that the wire goes waaaaayyy down there. No way could I replace it in the parking lot. I returned the screwdriver (hey the guy was right about me) and headed for home.

At home it was starting to get dark. I went into the garage and amazingly found the first replacement antenna I bought two years ago. So I get to take this other antenna back to Scaryville. I grabbed the antenna and a variety of light sources (a hunting spotlight and a camping lantern) and started the tedious task of dismantling my dash. I spent about 2 hours taking stupid little screws out and breaking plastic and trying to see. Finally I gave up and came inside because I am just too tired to finish something so annoying tonight.

So that's the update on my radio. Right now I don't have one and my dash is all over my car.

Oh yeah, about Project Columbo. I updated the template on this website. I told you it was big news.

Press Play on Tape

We're meeting tomorrow to plan out the rest of the project. And you thought we had quit. You are so stupid.

What Are We Doing?

Nothing. We're doing exactly nothing. Take a look at your fingernails right now.

See how they are just sitting there on the ends of your fingers in an opaque fashion? They don't seem to be doing anything, but they are doing something. Your fingernails are slowly growing, so slowly that you can't see it. But try not cutting them for a month and you'll see that they are indeed growing. They'll even do that after you die. Fingernails are slow but tenacious.

Project Columbo is like a fingernail, except for the tenacious part.

To all who have expressed concern that we have thrown in the towel, do not worry. All towels are accounted for. We are just taking a little break. With the holidays and the snow and the flu and all the sleeping, it's just been pretty busy. Project Columbo will be finished, I swear it! I cannot just sit here with footage of Nick and Mark swimming in goose sewage and never release it. And lest we forget, Carl swam in the icy waters of Deliverance. Too much has been sacrificed to abandon this project.

But not enough has been sacrificed to avoid taking a break, apparently.

POSTPHONED

John called me last night, leaving multiple messages on my battery-depleted cell phone while Melissa and I were out drinking with one of the COP EXTRAS (DAN). Basically, John has not fully recovered from influenza or SARS. I point out that the spell checker wants to replace SARS with SEARS. NICE.



I believe he may have been able to make it but his voice sounded like an elderly smoker and while the character of Columbo is essentially an elderly smoker, it would be hard to understand John through the gravel pit that is currently his throat. The illness would also have sapped John of the requisite energy to deal with one of our toughest shoots to date. It is especially difficult because we're on the screen simultaneously during this shoot, and we (last-minute) planned for an extra to man and pan the camera for some of the shots. For the rescheduled shoot, we'll obtain bonus, dedicated camera and mic men. This could be the JOB OF JACOB the scorned.